what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
