the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Can vaginas get frostbite?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
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