YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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