dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
