literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
