I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I feel like abortions should bother me more
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Randomize
