why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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