he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
