your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
