I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
