It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
