I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
