i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
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