I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
