yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
