shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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