ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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