I'm laying in your front yard are you home
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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