Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
