I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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