This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
