Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
