I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
