just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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