He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
