omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
