I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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