is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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