Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I had to cum in my sink.
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