you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
