"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I'm drive I can fine osifer
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
