I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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