the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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