I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize