She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
jump out the window naked night went bad
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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