p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
