I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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