First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
