just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
