The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
This is the high leading the old right now
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
