my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
