I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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