At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
