I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize