How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
