Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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