bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
