ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
