did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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