Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
