If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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