the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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