it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Randomize
