"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Randomize
