Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
