I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
