yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
