Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
