my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I think I just sharted jello shots
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