so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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