Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
