so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
