i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
