I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
