His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm like, not good at living.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
